Most of us have experienced that one unforgettable crush—the kind that speeds up your heart and takes over your thoughts. What starts as a light distraction can sometimes deepen into something more persistent and harder to let go of.
Limerence is what occurs when an original crush turns into a mental cycle you can’t ever escape. According to the website Living with Limerence, “The reason you can’t get over your crush is that you have accidentally trained yourself into a mental habit of constantly seeking them.” The thrill and exhilaration of those initial feelings are so addictive that we dive right in without even knowing it. Soon enough, your brain is craving this person like a habit—because, well, it’s one.
Romantic attraction is also one of the greatest emotional draws we feel. Our brains get a reward of feel-good drugs when we meet a new person and feel that spark. Most of the time, this is simply nature’s way of coaxing us into intimacy. But sometimes things don’t work out neatly. Perhaps the other individual isn’t free. Perhaps you’re not. Or perhaps it’s just not reciprocal. When there is clarity, it becomes simpler to move on. But oftentimes, it’s complicated.
You may be stuck in the friend zone, too scared to confess how you feel, or trapped in a tornado of mixed signals. That doubt—those brief seconds that could mean something—can cause a crush to last longer than it needs to. Before you know it, your brain is on a perpetual feedback loop: Did they smile at you strangely today? What did they text about? Every little interaction becomes something to analyze and obsess over.
It’s then that limerence takes complete control. It’s no longer an infatuation—it’s like your mind has zeroed in on this person and refuses to let go. The happiness they initially brought is now being replaced by a feeling of emotional reliance. You begin to feel the need for their touch just to be comfortable. Daily life becomes secondary. You even begin to feel ashamed at how much they consume your mind.
Limerence is not merely poetic jargon for unrequited love—it’s a psychological condition. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s. Her studies discovered that there are individuals who become so infatuated, it becomes an emotional dependency. And now, with all we’ve learned from neuroscience, we know why: each time you think about them, daydream about a future, or relive memories, your brain is affirming that pattern.
The good news? You can stop the cycle. It begins with seeing what’s happening: your brain has been conditioned into this pattern. As soon as you see that, you can start taking real steps to break the habit. That could be something as simple as restricting how much time you spend with them, learning ways to shift your focus, or getting help from someone who’s been through the same. As Living with Limerence states, “You can get over a crush. It isn’t easy, but it is possible. Understanding it is the first step on the road to recovery.”
You don’t have to be alone in it. Many others’ve been where you are, and most of them have emerged on the other side with greater clarity, confidence, and peace of mind. If you’re stuck on someone who’s gotten in your head, the thing to remember is that you’re not broken or strange. Your mind is just operating on a pattern it’s learned, and patterns can be unraveled. With time, care, and kindness, you can regain control and create space for new, healthier relationships.