Self-esteem is the invisible but influential energy that permeates every action we take – it is the main factor in the way we see ourselves and in our everyday lives. If it is strong, one can go through the tough times, mingle with others, and bounce back from failure in no time. If it is weak, even the smallest problem can become a huge mountain, and the negative talk that will be louder than the positives that you have fought to get will be there. The good news? Self-esteem is not a fixed thing. It can be developed and fortified at all times of life.
At the core of self-esteem is essentially the perception we have about ourselves. It is a result of our lives through the messages we learned as kids, the experiences we had, and the significance that we applied to them. Sadly, the negative voices, whether they come from parents, teachers, friends, or even from us as kids, can continue to influence us for a much longer time than the positive ones. The NHS points out that when we have good self-esteem, we see ourselves and life in a positive light, which allows us to handle the difficult moments in life with less struggle. However, if we have low self-esteem, the world can become darker and more judgmental, and daily challenges become heavier and even lead to anxiety or depression. Numerous things may influence self-esteem, ranging from personality to stressful life events to self- or other-pressure.
Avoidance is one of the many ways low self-esteem can manifest. We may decline social invitations, pass on new experiences, or avoid anything too daunting. While that provides a short-term relief, more often than not, it strengthens the thought that we’re not up to it, which makes stopping all the more difficult. In time, the cycle can erode our overall health, even causing us to develop bad coping mechanisms such as alcoholism or smoking.
One of the best methods to improve self-esteem is to challenge those negative thoughts we’ve been carrying around. The NHS suggests beginning with noticing those internal critical voices, such as “I’m not good enough for that role” or “No one cares about me.” Write them down, then seek evidence against them. Perhaps you’re a great problem-solver, or you do have friends who check in regularly. Maintain a running record of your strengths, accomplishments, and praise you’ve received. Place it somewhere you’ll notice frequently and refresh it often. Eventually, it can assist in rewiring the way you view yourself.
Another tool that can be used effectively is positive self-talk. HeadsUpGuys explains that the very way in which we communicate with ourselves can be the reason why we get depressed or feel uplifted. Replacing negative thoughts about oneself with affirmations, short, positive, and simple statements about one’s worth and abilities, is just like changing one’s brain to see the world positively. Statements like “I can get through difficult situations” or “I am worthy of love and respect” may sound strange at the beginning, but if one keeps repeating or recording them every day, they will become one’s root. Crisis Text Line notes that the more affirmations become connected to the positive thinking neural connections, and therefore they also stimulate the brain’s reward centers, hence the release of the brain’s neurotransmitters that contribute to the feeling of pleasure and thus promote the mood sphere.
It’s equally important to focus on your strengths. Every person has talents, skills, and qualities that make them valuable, whether it’s being a great listener, having a knack for problem-solving, or bringing humor to tense moments. Spend time doing what you’re good at, whether that’s painting, cooking, organizing, or helping someone out. Small wins build big confidence over time.
Boundaries are also an essential component of self-esteem. They are like a filter, screening out the trash and negativity that’s not good for you. Having limits isn’t rudeness; it’s respect for yourself and educating others on how to respect you. That could be saying no without feeling guilty, restricting time with energy-sucking people, or addressing something when it irks you. As therapist Kate O’Brien, LCAT, says, being blunt about boundaries is self-care.
The people you are with also matter. Be around people who support you, push you, and remind you of your value. If there are relationships that make you consistently feel small or less than, it may be worth backing away or having an honest conversation about how you feel.
Most importantly, keep in mind that increasing self-esteem is a continuous process. Be gentle and kind to yourself the way you would be towards a best friend. In case self-doubt and negative thought patterns become too much, turning to a mental health expert can turn everything around. HeadsUpGuys advises that it’s a strength to ask for assistance often; having someone there with you is enough to bring a more compassionate, accurate view of self.